Monday, June 15, 2009

When Newton went high……………..!

One day Newton was high and started craving for some sweet. He came out of his club house and went to near by apple tree. He jumped to grab an apple, but couldn’t make it. He tried it several times, after he got tired he shouted. Hey God! You gave us power to jump down, why didn’t you enhanced it and gave us the power to jump and fly, I would have fulfilled my crave. God replied, dude, when I made adam, I thought he will be as foolish as I thought eve would be, but unfortunately they started ‘thinking’ instead of having sex. They started thinking to acquire everything they saw. The time came when they started building shelters for them, even I also found difficulty to see their intimate scene. They further started mating whenever and wherever they found comfortable place.

Other creatures came complaining to me about illegal acquisition of land by adam and eve. After a long brain storming, I came to a conclusion that the biggest mistake I did is, I gave them 'brain' to think and take their own decision. They started reproducing like anything. When I gave them their respective sex organs I thought the smaller the organ will be the less they will use it, but I am confirmed I was completely wrong. As soon as they started growing they started making community and acquiring land, killing my other creatures. And when they were free they started fighting with each other. Once I asked them, why you people are fighting with each other???? They replied “we don’t know”, I said but there must be some reason as you acquired my other creature’s land to settle your own asses, there must be something for which you are fighting. One of them shouted the reply “we don’t know but we will very soon let you know, now fuck off and let us fight”.

Newton who was listening to this God’s bull shit in reply of his one question – why he can’t jump and fly; said “you could’ve stopped them; you have all the power on this earth”. God replied; yes I could have stopped them but to stop them I had to take either of the side, and that would have made me partial. Their brains were sharp enough to persuade each other that they are fighting for me only.
Newton asked; but how it’s possible that so many in numbers can fight for single thing, that’s you. God said- that was the reason even I was puzzled, it will make no sense even after I will stop them fighting, sooner or later their generations will fight, I had to come up with a permanent solution. Newton asked and what was it??? I made human life limited, God replied. Their generation will die and new generation will come up with new thoughts and philosophy. Newton said- but I don’t think that it would have solved your problem, because it will continue. Brain develops its mindset and it will pass generation to generation and by the way that has nothing to do with my question, why the fuck I can’t jump and fly. God shared a joint with him and replied; I discussed this generation problem with my father. Newton interrupted - just a second, now who is your father???????? God smiled and said, ‘Evil’………………………………………………………………………………
He suggested me, ask your nature to change time to time, and hence I created flood, landscape, earthquake. Newton asked- will it work? God said- come out of your club house and fucking theories and think how many people will die in it. It will certainly work and people will stop fighting and will start helping each other at the time of all natural disasters. Newton said-but I think it is not the permanent solution to bring peace because we have created money and racism which will be a never lasting reason for us to fight. Newton further added, I have an idea for you, allocate whole earth to each community because anyways you have lots of universe in your account and you can distribute a whole earth to every community surviving here. If you wish you can pre-test it for Indians, because as of now they don't have any identity as far as community and religion is concerned they are very focused. God smiled and replied- I don't know what you eat in your breakfast, formula's ! That's the biggest crap I can do. I had thought about this decades back. As the largest community will be Christianity and Indians will be smaller in number, so I thought to allocate an earth to them. But than I forecasted that those assholes will come up with more fucking bunch of powerful religions which even I wouldn't have predicted. They will be fighting like cats and dogs even in that part of land for their religion and illusions. It was clear, even if I would have given whole earth you people; you would again come up with such things and would keep fighting.

Newton was fucked up with God’s explanations and shouted- God! That’s it, why the fuck I can’t fly? God replied; because I don’t have the guts to fight with you people. Because you people can fly up to me anytime to fuck my ass for your greed and pleasure, acquire my and my people’s land. It is heaven and we are very happy here, don’t want any mess to happen.

Newton said but in that case it might happen that we can jump down and can reach to any extent and can even kill ‘Evil’. God laughed and said – Try it, he is my father, he will fuck your asses permanently and there will be nothing left on this earth, may be you humans know this fact and you call it ‘hell’. I hope you don’t want to get into that mess.

God had the last puff of the joint and disappeared. Newton called her again, but he got the reply- I am with my dad will catch you later. Bye!

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